Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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