the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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