Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
