she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
high people should be assigned attendants
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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