Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
