It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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