I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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