His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
