I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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