Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize