he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
