How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
