just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
