I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
