Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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