btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
