So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
