Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
