I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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