so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
