I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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