Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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