where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
