You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize