I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
