The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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