Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
