how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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