No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
