I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
