Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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