Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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