we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
