I got chris browned last night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
