Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
