We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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