i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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