ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
