Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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