Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
