i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
