There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
