I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
