I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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