Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
