Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
