Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
two words...techno handjob
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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