I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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