Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
