I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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