dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
