I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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