The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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