It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
