What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
