His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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