Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
