My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
