that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
