If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
