His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do vagina's smell?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
