One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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