evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
