She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
