the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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