4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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